My Choice, My Decision! No More Dictating What I Should Do!

It has been a long week... Maybe confusing and maybe even frustrating as I would say. Everything that i did or try doing all went wrong for the past week. To make matters worse, the engine of my car broke down on me. So right now, I am like a crippled person.

At the same time, home has been frustrating.... Suddenly it is me that should bear for everything that i want? Why do i have to get blamed for everything??? Why can they not understand what I am going through in my life right now? Why is it like this? Why do i have to go through this everyday? Why am i so obliged to give in and become a mule? Then i am dubbed stubborn? Why don't they look in the mirror and see for themselves that they are the ones that are stubborn?

Why can't they understand the fact that I will be living my life on my own in the future, why can't I make my own decisions, choices and they just guide me along the way? Yes, people make mistakes. But don't tell me you never make mistakes.. Everyone is bound to make mistakes as long as they are HUMAN. Nobody is perfect!! Yes i also know that i am old enough and i should be bearing my own load.. but then, i am still studying? What should i do?

Remorse and Repent

A few hours ago, i came to my senses realizing that i had done something really bad. I wasn't thinking straight when i made the decision and i now realize that it was a stupid thing to do. I know what is done cannot be undone, but i do really hope that it does not affect everything that there is. Eventhough that it is just a risk and a fool's hope, i would like to try it out and maybe, maybe one day that hope will come true but till then, all that i can do is repent for what i have done and keep on hoping that it will not have such big effect.

Yea, i know i am selfish but everyone in this world is selfish in one way. But the thing i do not understand is why did i take for granted everything that has been given to me. Why did i choose to make that decision earlier today and caused everything to collapse like a set of dominoes.

Human behaviour and thinking is so hard to understand. Even so, there are certain occasions and situations where two people can understand the other.......... why is that so? What does it mean?

One Moment In Time

A song with such a wonderful meaning. Lets hope people still remember Whitney Houston.

Each day I live
I want to be a day to give the best of me
I'm only one, but not alone
My finest day is yet unknown
I broke my heart for every gain
To taste the sweet, I faced the pain
I rise and fall,
Yet through it all this much remains

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams
Are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel, I will feel eternity

I've lived to be the very best
I want it all, no time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance here in my hands

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams
Are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel, I will feel eternity

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams
Are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be, I will be, I will be free

I will be, I will be free

Been There Done That, It Did Not Work Out. So...

Well, i have honestly tried in taking a bow and putting a lot more of effort into my current situation but it seems that what i do has no effect whatsoever. By putting a full stop in the sentence, it signifies the end of everything. No matter what i do, what i try, it was all meaningless.

I will just concentrate on my friends, study, earning money, work, family and more towards the community. I am going to rebuild my image and work hard to maintain it. What i have done in the past is history and i am seriously not going back to the old ways.

Please do not tell me that i am making a mistake as i have gone through the same phase in the past and now i think what i did in the past is all a mistake. I will try to make things right and i will please myself and make myself happy before i make anyone else happy. God Bless.

Malaysiakini allegations against DPM Najib resurface

It has been so long since i have read the newspaper and keep up to date with the current happenings in Malaysia be it in the political scene or the current happenings in Miri. So i went to malaysiakini website today and i saw on the front page that it says the allegations against our DPM has resurfaced... i have always wondered on this matter when it first came to light.

Why is the blogger Raja Petra so sure of his allegations until now. Even if it has lead him to being detained and all. Is there a mastermind directing him to do so? Or is it the truth that is covered up behind the curtains? Politics have never been as simple as it seems. There are always hanky panky and trouble or what we commoners would define as drama. Only that the drama politicians go through are on a bigger scale and on a different level. Everything will affect these politicians.

So what should we, the citizens of Malaysia do in regard to this subject and matter. Other politicians might take this chance and bring up issues and havoc. But the question is what should we citizens do? Maybe you might want to think it over sometimes?

Take a Bow

What would you do if someone actually tells you to bow down or take a bow? If you think that i am writing this post in regards to the song Take a Bow by Rihana it is a yes. I heard the song and i was so mesmerized by it.

The lyrics itself, are already meaningful enough. If you've listened to it carefully that is. And what i can say is it means a lot to me. Cause to me bowing down or giving in is not something that i do casually. And to certain people, bowing down takes a lot of courage and effort.

Maybe the song itself is trying to tell all of us out there that there are certain times where we should back down and rethink our options. Things come and go all the time. Why don't we ever think of it as it is just something that is passing by. Let it walk past you like a shadow.

Considering what i have been through lately, i would definitely say that i need to take a bow and see things from another point of view. A single person with only two hands can do only so much. But why do people try so hard in achieving something that seems so impossible? In these few days, i have been through things that i have went through in the past. BUT this time it is so different. This time, i had someone to share it with. Someone to share the burden with me or lighten my load. Someone to be a listener and to understand fully what i am going through. (You know who you are and i thank you from the bottom of my heart)

Lost, hopeless, and a big change.

These two days has been quite a turn of events in my life. I have finally felt how it is like to be alone. I feel lost and so hopeless. I don't know what i am doing each second, each minute, and every time. I don't know what to do.

I really think that this will finally be the turning point in my life. Either i move on or stay the same, all depends on this one decision. BUT how am i supposed to make this decision. It is not like buying sweets or grocery where you make the decision just like that.

I am so confused. I don't know what to do, how to react and what should i be doing in a situation like this. Is there really going to be a big change in my life from now on? How come i feel so reluctant to let go and move on? Why do i have to feel this way? Why can't everything go smoothly and progress steadily? WHY?

擦肩而過

Another nice Chinese song that i heard during one of my K sessions. Enjoy. Lazy to find the MTV but this song is SUPER NICE and has a very NICE meaning.

我愛著誰　愛到我有點醉
告訴我你是誰　能夠把我讓我變不對
你不會累　但我卻愛你愛到好累
從沒有為了誰　不顧安危付出一切
站在這平衡點　我還是覺得有點危險
或許是看不見　只能夠靠感覺
他不會是個好男人　也不會是個好情人
你對我說　我們只是擦肩而過
好的男人有那麼多　少了他的日子也能活
我不會再讓你寂寞　也不會讓你更難過
你聽我說　要好好學著去生活
就算未來有多少錯　至少還有我的問候　我的溫柔陪你渡過

你聽我說　你不要這麼做
你不要看著我　說你已經知道怎麼做
你很難受　我願意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛　再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在這平衡點　我還是覺得有點危險
或許是看不見　只能夠靠感覺
他不會是個好男人　也不會是個好情人
你對我說　我們只是擦肩而過
好的男人有那麼多　少了他的日子也能活
我不會再讓你寂寞　也不會讓你更難過
你聽我說　要好好學著去生活
就算未來有多少錯　至少還有我的問候　我的溫柔陪你渡過

他不會是個好男人　也不會是個好情人
你對我說　我們只是擦肩而過
好的男人有那麼多　少了他的日子也能活
我不會再讓你寂寞　也不會讓你更難過
你聽我說　要好好學著去生活
就算未來有多少錯　至少還有我的問候　我的溫柔陪你渡過
就算未來有多少錯　至少還有我的問候　我的溫柔陪你渡過

Consequences or fate?

Have you ever thought of something or about a decision that you made in the past or just made? Do you always think of the consequences of the decisions that you make or things that you did? Or you'll just shrug it off once you think too much just by saying "It's fate."?

Recently i have been through this stage. I do not know why i suddenly am reliving the past, but hell i don't like it. It feels as if what ever i did, or what ever consequences of my decisions came to haunt me to tell me that what i did or what i decided was wrong.

Question. Why do people feel this way? Is this some kind of emotional disorder or am i just a bit too much of a thinker. I also do not know what causes this. Any way to avoid these things from re-occurring? Do i need to see a doctor now? Do i have a mental illness?

People say, that i have to talk to someone. Share the burden with someone you know or you are close with. Nobody can handle everything alone. BUT what IF the person you rely on the most, closest to or trust the most is not at all interested to share your burden with you? WHAT happens then?

Being the eldest of three siblings has its pressures. All the expectations and such from parents... constant nagging, bickering or whatsoever, all that, so that the rest of my siblings can have an elder brother to look up to, footsteps to follow. BUT WHY? I do not understand why is so much pressure being put on a single person like this. If that is not enough, there are still pressures from school, work, the society, friends or even your best friends.

Then again, i still do not understand, what is the difference between that is fated to happen and the consequences of an action or decision that you have to make in your life. A single decision or action can either make your life better or worse. Once you've made that decision, what happens next? If you don't like the outcome do you blame fate and say that it is what fate wants to happen? Blame that you fate is not good or unlucky?

Honestly, i do not know what am i writing to be exact. But the main point is why do we HUMANS have to relive our past or encounter and experience the same thing that happened in the past all over again? Is that a sign from GOD that the decision we made there and then is wrong and we should find a way to change it? I got myself to think a lot nowadays. And i really do hope that i will find the answer to the questions inside my head..........

On and off. Life is a torture....

Oh well, finally i can blog again. This is thanks to Cyndy for lending me her access for streamyx. Where do i begin... I don't even know where to start. After such a long absence, i think i am losing my touch to blogging and typing. Then again, i will try to blog more often even if i do not have access to the internet permanently just yet.

Okay, i'll begin with a summary of what happened in my small deary life in the past month. (And OMG yes its been a month ++ since i've last blogged) I met a few super nice nice friends from Curtin. And YES they are really really SUPER. They are nice, friendly and they are definitely the kind that you want to have as friends. Just to name a few, Farha, Cyndy, Davis, Nash (although i've only met him once) and a few others whom i haven't met in person before.

Next up, is Hari Raya celebrations. No pictures this year as i didn't even bother taking them since i thought i would not be blogging anymore. But then, celebrations are cool. A lot of my friends turned up but also disappointed at some whom didn't show eventhough i did send them personal invitations. But for all those who came, THANK YOU SO MUCH for coming and i also wish all the muslims out there SELAMAT HARI RAYA.

Last is about my old self. Recently i have noticed, that i am really really out of shape. And i mean yes, i am turning more and more skinny. And i also lost weight. (If i go to a doctor for a checkup the doctor is sure to say i am under weight)

I have also found out recently that, no matter what you do to change someone, it will never work. Yea this is the most painful truth. It doesn't matter what you do or what you become, people will stay the same. But in some cases, people change a lot and i mean A LOT, for good or for worse they do change. You must be confused to see what i am writing. So i am going to make a simple summary statement for this paragraph. Bottom line is, if you are hoping that someone would change for your sake, forget about it cause they won't. And if you think that people do not change after a period of time, forget about it too cause believe it or not, they will change. It is just a matter of time. When and how much they will change. But there is still hope. As long as you believe in it, good things will always come your way. In the end, i'll say, don't think too much and your life would be much better. Of course, add in a smile and your life would always be nice.