Lost, hopeless, and a big change.

These two days has been quite a turn of events in my life. I have finally felt how it is like to be alone. I feel lost and so hopeless. I don't know what i am doing each second, each minute, and every time. I don't know what to do.

I really think that this will finally be the turning point in my life. Either i move on or stay the same, all depends on this one decision. BUT how am i supposed to make this decision. It is not like buying sweets or grocery where you make the decision just like that.

I am so confused. I don't know what to do, how to react and what should i be doing in a situation like this. Is there really going to be a big change in my life from now on? How come i feel so reluctant to let go and move on? Why do i have to feel this way? Why can't everything go smoothly and progress steadily? WHY?

擦肩而過

Another nice Chinese song that i heard during one of my K sessions. Enjoy. Lazy to find the MTV but this song is SUPER NICE and has a very NICE meaning.

我愛著誰　愛到我有點醉
告訴我你是誰　能夠把我讓我變不對
你不會累　但我卻愛你愛到好累
從沒有為了誰　不顧安危付出一切
站在這平衡點　我還是覺得有點危險
或許是看不見　只能夠靠感覺
他不會是個好男人　也不會是個好情人
你對我說　我們只是擦肩而過
好的男人有那麼多　少了他的日子也能活
我不會再讓你寂寞　也不會讓你更難過
你聽我說　要好好學著去生活
就算未來有多少錯　至少還有我的問候　我的溫柔陪你渡過

你聽我說　你不要這麼做
你不要看著我　說你已經知道怎麼做
你很難受　我願意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛　再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在這平衡點　我還是覺得有點危險
或許是看不見　只能夠靠感覺
他不會是個好男人　也不會是個好情人
你對我說　我們只是擦肩而過
好的男人有那麼多　少了他的日子也能活
我不會再讓你寂寞　也不會讓你更難過
你聽我說　要好好學著去生活
就算未來有多少錯　至少還有我的問候　我的溫柔陪你渡過

他不會是個好男人　也不會是個好情人
你對我說　我們只是擦肩而過
好的男人有那麼多　少了他的日子也能活
我不會再讓你寂寞　也不會讓你更難過
你聽我說　要好好學著去生活
就算未來有多少錯　至少還有我的問候　我的溫柔陪你渡過
就算未來有多少錯　至少還有我的問候　我的溫柔陪你渡過

Consequences or fate?

Have you ever thought of something or about a decision that you made in the past or just made? Do you always think of the consequences of the decisions that you make or things that you did? Or you'll just shrug it off once you think too much just by saying "It's fate."?

Recently i have been through this stage. I do not know why i suddenly am reliving the past, but hell i don't like it. It feels as if what ever i did, or what ever consequences of my decisions came to haunt me to tell me that what i did or what i decided was wrong.

Question. Why do people feel this way? Is this some kind of emotional disorder or am i just a bit too much of a thinker. I also do not know what causes this. Any way to avoid these things from re-occurring? Do i need to see a doctor now? Do i have a mental illness?

People say, that i have to talk to someone. Share the burden with someone you know or you are close with. Nobody can handle everything alone. BUT what IF the person you rely on the most, closest to or trust the most is not at all interested to share your burden with you? WHAT happens then?

Being the eldest of three siblings has its pressures. All the expectations and such from parents... constant nagging, bickering or whatsoever, all that, so that the rest of my siblings can have an elder brother to look up to, footsteps to follow. BUT WHY? I do not understand why is so much pressure being put on a single person like this. If that is not enough, there are still pressures from school, work, the society, friends or even your best friends.

Then again, i still do not understand, what is the difference between that is fated to happen and the consequences of an action or decision that you have to make in your life. A single decision or action can either make your life better or worse. Once you've made that decision, what happens next? If you don't like the outcome do you blame fate and say that it is what fate wants to happen? Blame that you fate is not good or unlucky?

Honestly, i do not know what am i writing to be exact. But the main point is why do we HUMANS have to relive our past or encounter and experience the same thing that happened in the past all over again? Is that a sign from GOD that the decision we made there and then is wrong and we should find a way to change it? I got myself to think a lot nowadays. And i really do hope that i will find the answer to the questions inside my head..........

On and off. Life is a torture....

Oh well, finally i can blog again. This is thanks to Cyndy for lending me her access for streamyx. Where do i begin... I don't even know where to start. After such a long absence, i think i am losing my touch to blogging and typing. Then again, i will try to blog more often even if i do not have access to the internet permanently just yet.

Okay, i'll begin with a summary of what happened in my small deary life in the past month. (And OMG yes its been a month ++ since i've last blogged) I met a few super nice nice friends from Curtin. And YES they are really really SUPER. They are nice, friendly and they are definitely the kind that you want to have as friends. Just to name a few, Farha, Cyndy, Davis, Nash (although i've only met him once) and a few others whom i haven't met in person before.

Next up, is Hari Raya celebrations. No pictures this year as i didn't even bother taking them since i thought i would not be blogging anymore. But then, celebrations are cool. A lot of my friends turned up but also disappointed at some whom didn't show eventhough i did send them personal invitations. But for all those who came, THANK YOU SO MUCH for coming and i also wish all the muslims out there SELAMAT HARI RAYA.

Last is about my old self. Recently i have noticed, that i am really really out of shape. And i mean yes, i am turning more and more skinny. And i also lost weight. (If i go to a doctor for a checkup the doctor is sure to say i am under weight)

I have also found out recently that, no matter what you do to change someone, it will never work. Yea this is the most painful truth. It doesn't matter what you do or what you become, people will stay the same. But in some cases, people change a lot and i mean A LOT, for good or for worse they do change. You must be confused to see what i am writing. So i am going to make a simple summary statement for this paragraph. Bottom line is, if you are hoping that someone would change for your sake, forget about it cause they won't. And if you think that people do not change after a period of time, forget about it too cause believe it or not, they will change. It is just a matter of time. When and how much they will change. But there is still hope. As long as you believe in it, good things will always come your way. In the end, i'll say, don't think too much and your life would be much better. Of course, add in a smile and your life would always be nice.

Techkie House - Citrus - Curtin - New Tanjong Seafood

Friday! 8th August 2008. Said to be the luckiest day yet. I woke up really early today and got myself prepared to attend two opening ceremonies. One is Techkie House and the other is Citrus Restaurant.

First stop was Techkie House. Did not manage to get a lot of pictures, but i did manage to get teamGD's and pEi's flower which was sent to Techkie House.

Full size picture.


Notice the name... it should be teamGD not teamGO what a disasterous typo

Next one was of course Citrus Cafe & Restaurant. This opening ceremony was more crowdy than the one in Techkie House but both are on the same scale though.

3 ribbon bouquets, first one occupied by Kelvin (owner), YB Andy Chia, and Hazel (Mrs. Owner). YB Andy reaching out his arms asking when do we cut the ribbons? Lol.

Getting ready to cut the ribbons...

Hooray~! Citrus is officially open!

After a meal at Citrus, chit-chatting with MeowMeow and Hazel the Mrs. Owner, I made a U-turn back to Techkie House for a second visit. After the second visit, I was really exhausted as I did not get enough sleep the night before so I made a beeline straight for home.

When I got home, took a shower and dropped myself into bed. Just when I was about to fall into a deep deep nap, my phone rang... it was a call from campus, telling me that i had to go to campus as they need to reassign my units because, apparently i got more subjects exempted. So this semester, I am taking... Legal Framework 100, Introduction to Human Resource 200, System Analysis and Design 150, and Accounting (Managerial) 101.

After that is done, I went home again and prepared myself for the night's food hunt at Tanjong. Arrived there a bit early than the rest. I don't know how to write it in words so I will let pictures do the talking.

Waiting for the food to arrive~!
Left to right: StratOS (Eric) and Gray


Big smileeeeee...... this is jcch

The girl who likes to take pictures~ huilee!!!
Also known as "Pui Bak"

Wah~! Two leng lui's....
Left to right: Rachelle and Pui Bak

My drink for the night.
Coca-Cola + Lemon

Finally after waiting for quite a while and a lot of chit-chatting, the food for the night has arrived!

Butter Prawns

I don't know how to name this in English, so I will just type the name out in BM.
Pucuk Ubi (i think) fried with belacan.


Sizzling Wok Japanese Tofu?

Sweet n Sour Chicken?

Fried Long Beans with belacan?


Curry Lamb in Claypot

Well folks, that is about it... although i do not know some of the exact name of the dish, I hope you all enjoy the pictures and when the review is up, you will get to see the detailed and more accurate information in MakanManiacs.com. Hope you all enjoy reading.

Curtin, Curtin Groupie & Thursday's Lunch!

Well, i have not been able to blog about me starting school yet again.... so i am going to write about it briefly in this post. Class started last week.... i started late... enrolled late... almost everything late... so i am kind of a bit behind in terms of notes.. books... what to do... where to do this and that.. which i have very little knowledge about.

So far i have attended my Management lecture and tutorial, Legal Framework lecture and tutorial and also Marketing Lecture where i got embarrassed in front of like.. one hundred people for coming in late. Oh well, that is what i get for being late to class. Haven't been in Accounting class yet.. hope i can register in time.

First week in, groupie assignments and individual assignments are already piling up. OMG. This is like my worst nightmare!! I hate assignments!! Oh well, that is university life.

Roughly that is what happened, skip skip all those bla bla bla..... then yesterday's lunch was ... briyani rice with beef rendang! YUMMY. Had it at Ala-Mak in Piasau area... for those who don't know where it is, it is on the same row with Sea Horse Bistro.

I'm tired of typing and thinking of what to post. So pictures are as follows.

Briyani Rice with Beef Rendang. SUPERB!!

What are Promises?

Today at this hour, i found out myself that promises made by anyone are just mere words to please one's heart. I have wondered a long long time and i still can not find the answer to this mystery. If you do not intend to keep a promise, then why do you make them in the first place?

I can not say that i have seen a lot of different people and different behaviors, but if there is anything i hate most, it is not keeping a promise. To me, promises are just like giving out money to people whom you trust will return it back to you but when a person breaks that promise or does not even come close to keeping the promise, what should you do? I have come across a lot of situations where promises are given but not kept.

In the end, the one who ends up broken and disappointed is myself. I have thought about this problem and i have been finding a way to solve it. I do not wan to feel disappointed and broken every time these situations happen. Eventually, i have come to a conclusion that in order to prevent the same occurrences, it comes down to one self.

You see, when you let someone give a promise, you are being soft. Most of the time, someone gives you a promise because they think you would let up and be soft when you hear something that you like. That is what it really is. They are exploiting the softness within you and taking advantage of your good side.

I do not know if it is the best way. But i am surely going to try. Maybe then, empty promises do not work on me. Of course, by then, i would be an entirely different person than the one that i am now. Good or bad, i will never know till i change and try it out.....