Are You Running From Love? - Part 3

Recognising the Distancing Behaviour

The first thing that should be done is deepening awareness. Most people know on some levels that things are not working in the love department, but they don't know why. They don't really know how to make sense of it. So it's mostly about looking at "Why do i feel the way i feel, why do i think the way i think?" It's going from "I'm just a guy who won't commit" to going below the surface. Another thing is awareness of the mind-body connection, how much our biology shapes can affect people in relationship. People's bodies holds stories that not even their own minds are aware of and that shows upand gets triggered as they start to get close, more involved and feel more vulnerable. When this happens, some of the old fear kicks in and sets in the kind of biological reaction.

The next post will be the fourth and the last regarding this topic. I hope you all readers out there have enjoyed reading so far. Just a tiny preview, the next topic will be titled "Stop Distancing to Stop Running from Love". Comments are welcomed.

Are You Running From Love? - Part 2

The Common Distancing Patterns
As i have described in the post earlier, people tend to get close to their partner but that is only up to a point, where they will start to distance themselves. We call this "A Distancer". But before we learn how to spot or recognize distancing behaviors, we definitely need to know the common behavior patterns.

Sometimes it is very obvious, someone who won't talk about the way he or she feels or won't open up sexually (NOT MEANING OPEN IN HAVING SEX), but then, there are a lot of other ways to do it.

The busy and distracted lifestyle - Classical one where the man (now, sometimes the woman) is always at work, or the mother who devotes all her time and energy to the children and is always putting the relationship with her husband on hold because they are afraid of being really open and vulnerable and intimate with their partner.

One person may even seem like the "super partner" where he or she takes care of so much that he/she doesn't actually take the time to connect with their partner. When this happens, we'll have a couple that looks really good on the surface but actually something is missing.

Then, there's the extreme situation where the man or woman who wants to have a relationshop but they can't let themselves get near to having one. Normally for this extreme situation, the guy or gal would actually find something wrong with everybody they date or even find ways to avoid meeting people or avoid dating or exploring relationships.

Next is the middle category. These are the people who actually get into relationships and do great in courtship stage. They're into it, they're very excited and may even be very apparently open sexually and emotionally but when it starts to move into a more committed and vulnerable stage, they start to distance themselves. It looks like a simple fear of commitment but if you look closely under the covers, it comes back to ways people learn to distrust closeness and vulnerability in an intimate relationship.

Well, there you have it, the patterns that you should be looking out for. The next post tomorrow will be finally about how to recognize the distancing behaviors. Enjoy.

Are You Running From Love? - Part 1

Normally, if you ask advice from someone about love or the important things in a relationship, you'll always hear people say "You've got to be open and communicate honestly with your partner". But don't you know? Being honest and open is not the only thing that is important in a relationship? A lot of people - both men and women - have reasons on things that they don't do that easily. Usually, people have a kind of universal fear of being vulnerable or letting somebody in. This is not so different from the common norm. But there are some experts who think the difference is understanding and that there are different ways to approach in changing that.

My personal opinion? Honestly and openness is not the only thing needed in a relationship. If only honesty and openness is the only thing needed, then everyone could be couples and get into a relationship regardless of the situation and compatibility. But we all know, that is not the thing that happens in reality. For me, the main thing that is essential in a relationship is the feel and the compatibility of you and your partner. Without these, where would be the purpose of having a relationship. Of course, a relationship also needs a lot of understanding. As mentioned in the first paragraph.

Sounds so easy and simple? Have you ever wondered why married couples file for divorce? A pair of very loving couples break up after a long period of relationship? Most of the time, you can spot this as it comes or happens. But usually, when your partner does not feel good around you anymore, or when there are signs of a relationship gone bad, either you, yourself or your partner would definitely keep a distance at first. This is what we call as a distancer. Gradually, this distancer, will make the gap between you and your partner become bigger and bigger. In the end, we have what we call a "break up" or "divorce".

WHAT IS A DISTANCER?
Everyday, there are a lot of people getting into relationships. But the real question is, are they committed or not? There are certainly a lot of people who avoid committed relationships altogether. But i am certain that all of us have known people - and even some of us are the people - who will start to get close in a relationship and then pull away when they feel threatened or when they feel too vulnerable or afraid that they are going to be suffocated, or lose their autonomy. It is more subtle when people distance within a relationship.

They are married, but they are really not there - there is a way in which they are holding themselves back to the point that either they or their partner is unhappy. This is something that would be said or best to describe a marriage where a distancer exists.

I'll stop here for the night but tomorrow i will continue on this topic where i will share with you all about "The Common Distancing Behavior Patterns" Hope you all enjoy tonight's post and i am looking forward to share with you the next segment tomorrow night. Thank you for reading!

Friends. Expendable?

I came across this question in my mind today and i asked myself. Are my friends expendable? What about yours? Are they expendable to you?

First of all, let me take you for some lessons and enlightenment. What does expendable mean? Taken from the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, expendable means easily replaced or economically replaced. So, the main question that i am emphasizing in this post is, can your friends be easily replaced?

I will be 22 this year and i believe i can say that i have gone through my fair share of experience that a 22 year old teen could go through. Some may have gone through incidents or situations that are far more worse that i have gone though. But, simply put, we've all gone through something and not everyone will go through the same thing.

It is true that each and everyone of us has gone through different life experiences but there is one thing that i am certain that will happen in everyone's life once they reach their teen years. Betrayal and backstabbing. What does betrayal and backstabbing has got to do with expendable friends? Easy, it all goes down to why does someone betray or backstab you. When someone close or he/she is just a normal friend betrays or backstabs you, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Most of the people i know would definitely act irrationally.

If it was me, i would just calm down and just think a bit more rationally before making any decisions. In the end, i always decide on one conclusion. That is, the person that i call friend just thinks that i am an "expendable friend" thus it led to his/her treachery of betrayal and backstabbing.

Why do i say this? If you think about it logically, if you cherish your friend it would never cross your mind to betray or backstab him/her. When i say cherish i mean like appreciate him/her as a close friend or even just as a normal friend, never thinking of taking advantage or him/her or even using him/her for any purpose that would benefit you or someone else.

I have been through these and needless to say, i have been through the betrayal and backstabbing part quite a number of times. From every single one of these cases, i have drawn out simple conclusion for myself and maybe for those out there who thinks the same way that i do. Trust is an important factor in friendship thus those who honor and take friendships seriously will do anything in their power to uphold the trust that exists in their friendships. Still, there is one single thing in this world that can destroy that trust in a split second no matter in which country you live in, it is all the same. Money.

Money, money, money. It makes the world go round. Without money, there would be almost no life on earth. Not to say breathing and still alive type of life, but life as in people working hard to earn money, people spending money for entertainment and etc. Of course, not everyone has the same status and wealth. In my opinion, the world today runs on a principle that is undeniable. The rich rule and control almost everything. Even the world economy. Imagine that, the destructive power of money. Money can build something out of nothing and it also can destroy that something in a split second. Money is the devil in disguise!! Don't you think so? People kill, rob, kidnap, and do a whole lot of crimes just to get a hold of money.

I don't know if you understand what i meant after reading the paragraphs above but the main thing that i wish to emphasize is that, no matter what, never let money get in between friendship ties. No matter what you do, do not value money over the friendship ties that you have with your friends. I have seen it happen to others and honestly it happened to me too. How i wish money never exists. That way, i could always keep my friends and never see betrayal or backstabbing happen.

A Moment In Time

Have you ever wondered what you would do if you had a moment of your past? Or a moment of your future? Recently i have been thinking. What is it like if you could relive your past or go to the future then come back to the present to change what you think will affect your life then.

People always think and wonder what is it like to have this ability. But honestly, i believe other than God Himself, there is no one else that can do a thing like that. Sometimes, you may have dreams which foretell what would happen but that phenomenon hardly ever happens to everyone. I have had a few dreams where i dream of a scenario that involves me in it and it happens in real life but the outcome of the situation is not the same. When that happens, i get flashbacks of what i dreamt but i never could recall the dream when i wanted to. It is as if, i have restricted access to the memory of my own dream.

You may wonder why am i blogging about this. Honestly, something that happened approximately 14 to 15 hours ago made me start thinking. As most of the people in Miri know, there was a young man who suicided by jumping off a 10 story building in town area yesterday. From what i heard, this young man, does not gamble, or have any serious problems of a sort. It made me wonder why he did it. It just doesn't make sense. Why leave your family behind when you are already going through your life just fine?

That is just the half of it. A few hours ago, i saw this TV series on TV of course. It was about this guy who goes to sleep and wakes up 20 years earlier etc. When he gets back to his present time, his wife tells him he has been gone for two days. A lot of things happened and in the end, the real reason that it happened to the guy was he was supposed to save someone from dying. I know i know it is just a TV show but i would think of it as a very odd coincidence?

Almost 14 hours earlier someone suicided in my own town and less than 14 hours later, there is a TV series that portrays a man who goes to sleep in the present and wakes up in the past just to save lives and bad things from happening. It made me wonder. What if, what if we were given a moment in time to fix all the things we've done wrong in the past or in the future? What if we are given a chance to see a moment of our future? What would you do?

To me, this phrase has a lot of hidden meanings. It could be interpreted in a many ways and it varies on how each person sees it. I don't know what people out there would do with a moment in their past or future. I only know that if i had a moment in my past, i would definitely use it to correct whatever i have done wrong and set things straight.

I Never had A Dream Come True by S Club 7

Ooh...

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
How it could be now or neither been (or neither been)
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

Chorus
I never had a dream come true
Till that day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where love takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory I lost all sense of time
Amd tomorrow can never be
'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or neither been (or neither been)
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

Chorus

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
(Yes you will, say you will, you know you will, baby)
You'll always be the one I know (I'll never forget)
There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try
I just can't say goodbye
No no no no

Chorus

A part of me will always be with you...

That's Where You Find Love by Westlife

In your eyes, I found the greatest prize
You and I could not be closer
And in your arms, is everything I want
Now I know my search is over

and I don't know where you take me
But it's exactly where I wanna be

[Chorus:]
It's where the stars line up
It's where the ocean starts
It's in a place I've never been that feels like home
It's in the air right now
It's when you give your all, and give a little more
I've never been so sure, that's where you find love

People pass, and listen to us laugh
Wishing that they had the same thing
And our friends they ask, how we made it last
I just smile and say the same thing

I'm not sure how we got here
Baby I'm just glad that we got here

[Chorus:]
It's where the stars line up
It's where the ocean starts
It's in a place I've never been that feels like home
It's in the air right now
It's when you give your all, and give a little more
I've never been so sure, that's where you find love
That's where you find love

It's where the stars line up
It's where the ocean starts
It's in the place and everything that feels like home

It's in the air right now
It's when you give your all, and give a little more
I've never been this sure, that's where you find love

Find love
That's where you find love